OK, I’ve finally worked up the courage to watch the new trailer for the It remake that everyone is raving about. I’m gonna be straight with you. I think this looks good. The tone seems on the money, it looks to have it’s twisted heart in the right place, and I can’t express how grateful I am that it will take place in the 1980s. For a horror fan like me this film should be an opening night screening right?
It’s not. I don’t think I would physically be able to watch this movie in a theater. Hear me out…I’ve got a good reason. I’m fairly confident that this film would kill me. I would legit die of fright, in a puddle of sweat and fecal matter right then and there in the cinema. Death by my fear of clowns while surrounded by the smell of stale artificial butter, angsty teenagers on awkward first dates, and a crowd of horror fans. What a terrible way to go. Fuck. This. Movie.
Yes, tear me to pieces, call me a baby and a wuss, but if I can’t be honest with you, my faithful readers, than who can I be (apologies to my wife)? Listen, I’m not some lunatic that puts the 1990’s It mini-series on some ivory pedestal of horror perfection. I’m not that guy. However, like Sir Mix Alot, I’ve got an awfully big but to talk about. The 90s It is a movie that I’m more unnaturally frightened of than any other in human existence. Yes it has copious missteps, and really overstays its welcome. BUT, Tim Curry’s performance as Pennywise has left me with mental scars so permanently transfixed in my mind that I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover.
Watching the film a few times at the tender age of 10 or 11 in quick succession with Killer Klowns From Outer Space was all it took for my fear and hatred of clowns to manifest. Sure I eventually went back and discovered that Killer Klowns from Outer Space was an ingenious and hilarious cult classic. However, I still can’t watch Stephen King’s It. I tried a few years ago while home alone to conquer my fear. After a few scenes I said, “FUCK IT! I’M OUT”, and changed the channel to something that didn’t make me feel like an isolated, injured, Cape fur seal near that mother fucking shark island off the coast of South Africa. For real, just mentally picturing some scenes causes me to have a physical reaction. I think my fear of this film has actually gotten WORSE since I became an adult. Curse you Stephen King! Curse you straight to the pits of hell that spawned you!
I don’t really have much else to say. I think this remake looks legit. The updated Pennywise retains the sense of dread needed to carry the film. The overall look appears both updated and stylish while thankfully restrained (which is a good thing). Honestly, It is the type of film that deserves to be remade since the first effort could easily be improved upon (Curry’s outstanding performance notwithstanding). Despite my crippling fear of the film, I know others that find it completely tame. So yeah, I’d love to be onboard with this to go get scared with the rest of America when this come out and ruins clowns for a whole new generation of people. I just don’t think I can. I’ll watch it someday in my house…with the lights on… the sound turned down… and with my childhood stuffed animal, Wrinkles, close by to protect me. Feel free to mock and judge me. At least I’ll still be alive!
What, did you actually think I’d post pictures from the original film or the remake? Hell no!