In our eighth podcast episode, “Cheese Doodle Finger Prints and Turtle Pies,” I mention something of a mythical figure. A legend whispered from ear to ear among those who remember, a being of such absurdity that he is unbelievable to the rest. That Titan-of-Many-Layers-of-Different-Titans is, of course, Combo Man.
Here we have the ad that introduced Combo Man, which ran frequently in Marvel Comics in the early to mid 90s. If I had to wager, I’d say 94? What an ad it is. It’s looks like you could win apparel with Combo Man on it, a character that is what Frankenstein’s Monster’s nightmares are made of. Disassembly required? Yeah, no shit. Interesting that he’s made up of both heroes and villains, as I see some Magneto, Venom, Carnage and Sabertooth in this guy.
I thought Combo Man had one job, and that was to sell Combos, but was I wrong or what. Turns out there was a single Combo Man comic. I’ve not read this thing and it looks like it fetches a pretty penny on eBay. It’s a little mini comic, I’m guessing like the ones found in Drakes snacks around the same time (a story for another time for sure), so unless someone wants to send me one, I’m not spending the $90 or so it’s being priced at. You can also send me Combos, way cheaper and easier to find. I like the pretzel ones.
“I’m flying, shooting an optic blast out of my face, swinging from a web with one hand, firing an energy beam out of the other, and hey my goddamned knees are on fire.”
Man, look at that cover. I kind of love just how 90s it is, especially with the AIM troops and helicopters in the background. And feast your eyes on the buffet of superpowers at Combo Man’s dispossal! Everything about him screams, “Fuck it, I’ll just do all of the things.” My research into the comic turned up the origin of Combo Man, the story of a dude named Rick Wilder, who was dicking around school when he stumbled upon some AIM cats bullying his professor about a “device.” Always with the “device,” yeesh. Rick looses his shit, runs off into room, where the device is running, or course, and drops his bag of comics as he bites into a Combo. It’s a simple as that, ladies and gentlemen. He beats up some AIM dudes, and beat up Super-Adaptoid, too, so good on him, and then fades into the most obscure corners of of the Marvel universe.
So here’s a crazy thought. Who owns the rights to Combo Man? I can’t see Mars, the makers of Combos holding them because hey, this is a shit ton of property here. I’m calling for Combo Man to be introduced into the Marvel cinematic universe. Crazy, perhaps, but I’d have called a solo Ant Man movie crazy 15 years ago. Do it. Make it like a reverse 6 Million Dollar Man. “We have the technology, we can deconstruct him.”
It’s a dumb idea for sure, but it would STILL be better than anything DC is putting in theaters.